I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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