I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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