I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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