my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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