Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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