If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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