her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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