Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
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you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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