I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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