omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize