I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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