Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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