What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize