I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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