Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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