After last night, I could never be a politician.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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