Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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