I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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