Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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