YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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