ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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