people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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