I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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