every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Houston, we have a blender
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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