Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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