I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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