i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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