I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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