Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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