Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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