when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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