Im at strip club and am horny
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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