Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
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He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I want her autograph on my taint
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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