I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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