JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
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I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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