If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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