Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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