I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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