So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
