i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize