Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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