You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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