My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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