seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
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I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
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I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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