STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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