READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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