I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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