so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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