I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize