Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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