The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize